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How Spider-Man 3 Should Have Ended
Characters *Peter Parker/Spider-Man *Mary-Jane *Harry Osborn/New Goblin *Spider-Man Fan *Eddie Brock/Venom *Flint Marko *Aunt May *Gwen Stacy *Gwen Stacy's Dad *Stan Lee *Scientists *Superman *Batman *Spider-Man Dancer *Bernard *Ash Williams Plot The plot of Spider-Man 3 is only ever so slightly changed from the movie. It starts off with Spider-Man doing the beginning narration but is interrupted by a little boy who tells him to stop narrating. Then, it shows Peter tell Aunt May he wants to marry MJ so Aunt May tells him about a story that will 'only make you feel bad and make the wrong decisions'. Then Marko falls into the particle sand testing area but is found by the scientists and is arrested. Soon after, Gwen is shown hanging from a building with Eddie and Mr.Stacy looking and they say what is she doing here when Stan Lee tells him that she's trying to to fall her death. It then shows Peter and Mary-Jane break up due to Peter crying too much. It now shows Peter strut past Superman and Batman at the diner and Batman shows Superman a video of Spider-Man doing a silly dance. Bernard then tells Harry that his father died from the glider and Harry then fires him for not telling him until Harry takes a pumpkin bomb to the face. Spider-Man and Venom are shown arguing about Venoms face and Venom's plan while Harry comes to help and a bird that a scientist lets survive from a sand mutation hits Harry in the face, causing him to crash and release 6 pumpkin bombs at Venom, killing him. The main video ends with Mary-Jane stating that Peter punched her in the face earlier. The end of the video shows a sand-mutated bird (the same one the scientist let go) telling Ash Williams (Army of Darkness) to avenge it, ending with Ash replying, "Groovy". Transcript *(We open with a Spider-Man 3-style opening credits, each displaying events from Spider-Man 1 and 2. Then fade to the streets of New York...) *Spider-Man: Hey there! It's me, Peter Parker. Your friendly neighborhood... you know. I've come a long way after being bit by a spider. Before, nothing went right for me. Now people really like me. I keep the cit safe, I'm the top of my class, and I'm even in love with the girl of my dreams! *Boy: Spider-Man, will you stop narrating please? *Spider-Man: What? *Boy: You were narrating. It's kind of unnecessary. *Spider-Man: Unnecessary?! But how are people gonna know what I've been up to all this time? *Boy: Spider-Man, we're not idiots. Just go and do your thing. *Spider-Man: Oh. Well... alright, then. (swings off) But what if I need to tell the audience something- *Boy: NO NARRATING! *(Cut to Peter at his apartment with Aunt May) *Peter Parker: I'm gonna ask M.J. to marry me. *Aunt May: Oh that reminds me of a long boring story about your uncle... that will only you feel guilty and make the wrong decisions in life! *(Special mention must go to how Sandman's transformation would have gone had the sand-mutation scientists just done their jobs properly!) *(Flint Marko lands onto a science experiment. He grunts.) *Scientist 1: There's a change in the silicone mass. *Scientist 2: Yeah, it's probably just a bird. *Scientist 3: Here's a bright idea: Why don't you make SURE it's a bird before you mutate the crap out of something just because you were too lazy to safely run this nighttime sand-mutation experiment? *Scientist 2: Ugh, fine. barrier is lifted, looks out into the pit That is a big bird down there...kind of looks like a guy. Oh, wait, it IS a guy down there! *to Flint Marco being put in a police van *Flint: You- you don't understand! I have a daughter, she's sick! That makes it okay for me to break the law! I'm not a bad person! *(Fast-forward to Gwen hanging on for dear life) *Gwen Stacy: Aaaaagh! *Eddie: Oh no. It's Gwen. *Captain George Stacy: What? What's she doin' up here? *Stan Lee: She's trying not to fall of her death you idiot! Why don't you show a little concern?! What is it with fathers being completely brainless in this picture? *Gwen: Somebody freakin help me! *(MJ's reason for breaking up with Peter? He cries too much.) *Peter: But, what do you mean? But I love you... and... you love me... and the ring... and the red hair... and I'm SPIDER-MAN! *MJ: UGH! Because you cry too much okay!? *Peter: (sobbing) *MJ: I didn't even want to do this but you're freakin annoying! *Peter: You can do this... (Sobbing) *(Fast forward to a symbiote-influenced Peter dancing down the street. Cut to the Super Café.) *Batman: Because I'm Batman! *Superman: Dude, it's cool! *(Peter then struts past their window) *Superman: What the heck was that? *Batman: Peter Parker just did a Saturday Night Fever strut across our window. *Superman: I know, but...why? *Batman: I'm not sure. But I was afraid something like this would happen. *Superman: What do you mean? *Batman: Uh, have you seen this? *shows Supes a video on his Bat-phone of Spidey doing an extremely camp dance to a dance remix of the 1960's theme *Superman: Ugghh... facepalm *(Harry Osborn's butler FINALLY decides to tell him the truth about his father's death, and how it is apparent that Spider-Man didn't kill him. Harry immediately fires him for knowing this the whole time and picking now to tell him.) *Butler: The night your father died... I cleaned his wound... The blade, that pierced his body... came from his glider... There's no question, your father died by his own hand. *Harry: You are so fired. *Butler: What? *Harry: You've known that this whole time... and you pick now to tell me? *Butler: I thought this would be the best time to tell you the truth. *Harry: I TOOK A GRENADE TO THE FACE, DUDE! *(The entire conversation between Venom and Spidey near the end, filled to the BRIM with Lampshade Hanging and Spidey being completely Genre Savvy:) *Venom: off symbiote mask to reveal Eddie Brock's face Hey, Parker. *Spider-Man: Eddie! ...wait, why do you have a scary Venom face if you're just gonna peel it back when you talk? *Venom: Because this way I get more face time! *Spider-Man: That's lame. *Venom: YOU'RE lame! And now I'm gonna kill your girlfriend! *Spider-Man: unfettered Oh, there's a big surprise. Out of all the dastardly plots you could put together, you wanna threaten my girlfriend. Just like EVERY other villain I've encountered. *Venom: Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it! *Spider-Man: Seriously? You rush in here like you can take ME? This is my third movie! Spider-Man TRES, amigo! You think they're gonna kill me off!? NO! Look, do you know of ANY movies where they kill the title character off at the end? *Venom: Donnie Darko...Old Yeller...Romeo & Juliet... *Spider-Man: Yeah. I didn't think so. *Harry: to where the climatic battle is taking place Hang on, Pete! I'm *coming for ya, ol' buddy, ol' pal, ol' friend! *Spider-Man: I'm just saying. There's only one way this is going to go down. It happens every time. We'll fight for a bit, you'll tear my mask. But in the end, I'm just gonna leap out of the way, and you're gonna do something that makes you kill yourself! *Venom: Or maybe I'm just gonna kill you and your girlfriend, because I'm awesome and you've met your match! *Scientist 2: bird Fly away, pretty bird. No sand mutation for you tonight. *Harry: Oh, I can't wait to help my best friend in the whole wide world! *Spider-Man: I promise you! Things are already in motion! You still have a chance to walk away here! *Harry: Here I come, Pete! I'll help ya save the day! No matter what, I'll help ya— BIIIRD!! hit in the face by the bird the scientist just released, and crashes into the construction frame. Pumpkin bombs go flying from the glider *Venom: Quit talking like you're in control, Parker! You're just a bug trapped in the web I— *Spider-Man: Aaand leap... out of the way of the pumpkin bombs *Venom: Aw, dang, he was telling the truth. blown up *Spider-Man: Yep! Happens every time! *Mary Jane Watson: You punched me in the face earlier! Category:Episodes